Sitting down to blog at 11:04 pm is never a very good idea for me.  My brain reaches it's peak production point at around 1:00-3:00 pm (Jocelyn's naptime) and declines from there.  So I'm not sure why I always end up blogging late...but I must say, I have been quite the Becky Home-ecky lately.  And that is what has been taking all of my time.

   It all started with a realization that I was not finding joy in "Housewifery".  You know, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc....it was just draining me.  I'm not sure if I prayed about it or not...honestly I can't remember.  I might have, but I just don't know for sure.  In any case, my God knew just what I needed, and He provided it.  Pinterest.  That's right, I just said that God worked through Pinterest.  Sacrilege?  I don't think so.  God is big enough to use anything He wants to.  So there.

   Anyway, I was inspired to actually figure out an order to the madness I called my life (shocking idea, I know) and scribbled out a rough draft of a schedule.  It looked something like....
Monday---laundry
Tuesday---Floors
Wednesday--Kitchen
Thursday---Grocery shopping
Friday---Bedrooms/Bathrooms
Saturday---Odds and Ends
Sunday---Relax!!!!

   O.k. so it probably wasn't exactly like that, but you get the drift.  The idea was to tackle ONE BIG TO-DO each day, not counting the normal stuff like dishes and cooking dinner.  I have to say, I wasn't sure it would make much of a difference but it has made a HUGE difference.  Before I knew what was happening, I was getting TWICE as much done in a normal week than usual.  In addition to cleaning the house, I was cooking meals, cleaning out the car, polishing the stainless steel appliances, making some t-shirt scarves with friends, attending Bible study, taking Joce to the doctor, making phone calls and lots of other stuff.

   Tomorrow is Saturday and believe it or not, I have occasionally dreaded Saturdays because I leave so much cleaning and to-do stuff until then!  What a shame.  But I am looking forward to it because my house is basically all clean already, and I can just catch up on little projects or lounge around or read, or blog, or whatever I jolly well please.  The way a Saturday should be.

   I so encourage all of you to figure out some kind of system that works for you, unless you're way ahead of me and have been doing this already for years.  It's o.k.  I don't mind that I'm late to the game, I'm just glad I'm at least figuring this out NOW.

   Also, I have actually been DOING some of the things I've been pinning!  Can you believe it?  Like homemade liquid hand soap.....
and homemade fabric softener....
both of which are so ridiculously easy, if you can read English and have about 20 minutes to spare, you can whip up a gallon of each.  I felt unbelievably accomplished stirring that giant pot of soapy suds on my gas stove like some sort of pioneer woman.  I think I would do it just for the feeling, even if it didn't save tons of money!  But man, to have both?  SUCH a win/win.

   Anyway, I must be getting to bed.  Maybe sometime later I will actually post pictures of that darling little cherub of mine that is growing more each day and you will probably barely even recognize because I haven't done a photo post of her in a lo-o-ong time.

Enjoy your Saturday everyone!  I know I will.

  One of my dear commenters, (and I SO appreciate all of you dearly) suggested after my last post that I follow-up with what God had done/is doing in my life.  And I think she was right.  It was a little hard to hear at the time, I will be perfectly honest.  Like that whole, "I just want to be able to vent when it's rough and it hurts and it's hard, and not think about any 'BUT THEN, THE LIGHT CAME' moments, I just want to write" feeling.
 But like I said, she was right.

   So here are some verses God gave me today, found compiled in Beth Moore's book,  Praying God's Word.  Such a wonderful book.  It just seems to have something for me every time I turn a page.  And that's probably because it's mostly Bible verses, but it's just so nice to have them categorized in ways pertaining to what you might be going through at that particular time.  Anyway, a few that have spoken to me recently are:

Psalm 43:3
    "Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell."

Psalm 143:8
   "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."

Lamentations 3:22-24
   "My faithful God, help me to call this to mind and therefore always have hope...because of your great love, I am not consumed, for your compassions never fail.  They are new...every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, the Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him."

   She adds some of her personal thoughts/comments to the verses, because they are written down as prayers, not necessarily verses quoted word-for-word.  It is so useful to personalize them, and pray them in that way.  It makes them seem more pertinent to life, and more meaningful. 

   Life is good.  I won't pretend that it feels that way every moment, or that I remember to be thankful for it every day, but it is.  I am so richly blessed.  God is faithful, and He is always there for me.  This time of year is always a struggle for me.  The weather is so cold, wet, dreary and un-sunny, that it tends to suck the life right out of me.  I find myself day-dreaming about escaping to a tropical land, or wondering what it would be like to live somewhere else altogether. Not to mention the never-ending list of questions that pounds through my brain at night when I try to fall asleep, like I mentioned in the previous post. But I am trying to recognize this struggle for what it is....a season.  A time.  It's not my life.  It's not me.  It's a journey.  And just like any other part of life, it has twists and turns, ups and downs, highs and lows.  I am learning.  Slowly, but surely. 

   So thank-you readers, for allowing me to be real, but also for encouraging me to share the light, and not just the darkness. 

   

   I'm really not sure what to write.  I'm afraid anything I would say right now would be fairly pessimistic, or discouraging, or just plain depressing. 

It was just one of those days.

   The kind that started out bad, got worse, got really bad BEFORE it got worse, and then tapered off to a basically miserable.  Am I alone?  Do any of you have those days? 

If I'm not alone, and you have had those days, then you know what kind I'm talking about. 

   It's the kind that makes you worry, fear, doubt, and basically question everything about your life.  Not in any particular order, but things like:

• Was I right in what I said?
• Were they wrong?
• Did they know what I meant?
• Does anyone (other than Randy) really GET me?
• Am I heard?
• Do I matter?
• Is my life worthwhile?
• Am I seen?
• Do I have an irreplaceable role to play?
• Did we have a baby too soon?
• Did we get to be "newlyweds" enough?
• Are we having kids too close together?
• Will I be able to do this whole mom-of-two thing?
• Will I lose myself in being "Mom"?
• Will I ever get to accomplish some of my dreams?
• Will I ever see those places I want to see?
• When my life comes to an end, will it feel fulfilled?
• Will my children be friends? 
• Will they be friends with me?
• Do I even know what I want?
• Do I want the right things?
• Am I too scared of failure to dream?
• Will I turn into the very person I avoid becoming?
• Will I ever become who I want to be?
• Will I even know if/when I have?
• Who does God want me to be?
• Will Randy and I lose ourselves in the "American dream"?
• Is there something we're overlooking and shouldn't be?
• Are our priorities right?
• Will my children rise one day and call me blessed?

   As you can see, this could go on and on and on, so I will stop.  I don't know the answers to these questions, and I don't know if I ever will.  Part of me hates to even write them down, because then of course that makes me look like I don't have it all together, and we all know how much we hate that.  No one wants to make themselves vulnerable, and that's precisely what voicing thoughts like these does.  It leaves me wide open.  You can analyze, criticize, theorize, and basically do anything you want with them.  That's scary.  But sometimes it feels like the alternative is keeping it all inside until something explodes, and so I guess it's worth a try.


Tomorrow is a new day.

   Have you all discovered Pandora radio yet?  It's so great.  Especially handy for technologically-challenged people like myself, who don't take the time to figure out how to download/purchase music for their iPod, or put music on their phone.  You just create a radio station and push play.  You can choose from one of their many genres, or create one based on a favorite song or artist. 

   The station I'm especially enjoying these days is called "Children's Indie", which is basically a lot of fun, folksy, kid-friendly songs.  Its catchy tunes have me singing along instead of wanting to put my head in a blender like some other children's music can. 

   The only unfortunate thing, is the absence of "Christian" songs.  It's still a great station and I like a lot of the songs, I just wish I could find a Christian station for children's songs that is comparable in talent. I have a Steve Green kid's cd which is great, (because it's a classic that I grew up with, and it makes me very nostalgic) and a "Hidden in my Heart, Lullaby Journey through the Scriptures" cd that I love.  But not much more than that.  I mean, come on, there are a lot of great Christian musicians out there, why aren't they writing great Christian songs?  Are we seriously going to be relegated to singing "Deep and Wide" and "This is the Day" for the rest of our lives?  Surely there is some new material out there that we can come up with.

 
   There's got to be.  I mean, I refuse to let bands with names like "Barenaked Ladies" have the market cornered on catchy children's music.  Because let's be honest, your kids aren't stupid, and they're going to figure out what sounds good, whether or not you want them to.  And this song, "Pollywog in a Bog" by the aforementioned band is downright contagious.  Like, ridiculously toe-tapping.  And catchy.  And silly.  And pretty much everything a kid would love.  So my question is, why can't some Christian artists crank out something this addicting?  Come on, people!  Hmm, maybe if I want it to happen so badly, it means I have to do it...oh dear.

  In the meantime, I am thoroughly enjoying these songs that Pandora helped me discover:





Well, that's all for now folks, it's somebody's bedtime.  Sweet dreams.

   Well, it's a done deal.  I got me a recliner.  That's right, recliner, not glider. Because after MUCH contemplation, online browsing and hair tearing, I realized that my tastes didn't exactly line up with what we hoped to spend.  Actually that's not true.  TWO different gliders pleased both my taste and my wallet, but they were out of stock.  Not happy.  The rest of the gliders that I actually liked the look of, fell into the category of "positively ridiculous" like the Monte Luca (pictured below), which rings up at a whopping $995, and that just seems downright silly to me.

    Plus, the more I looked at modern gliders like this one, the more I started to wonder if they were actually comfortable.  Stylish? Glamorous?  Gorgeous?  Sure.  But comfortable?  I couldn't be sure. And then I sat in a very humble recliner at a furniture store that came to a FRACTION of the cost of a modern glider, and suddenly, I knew.  Knew that I was putting form before function, and letting myself get carried away with a notion of modern glam in my nursery, and it was all getting a bit out of hand.  So we purchased it, and husband and I both are quite pleased with it.:) 

   My mom always told me (rather, complained) that I had expensive tastes.  I disagreed.  I always bought second-hand clothes, drove a cheap\old car, ordered off the value menu and rarely ever splurged.  Even my husband would try hard to convince me to spend more on shoes.  Just let that soak in for a little bit. 

   But I have come to realize, Mom was right.  (You reading this mom?:)  When it comes to all things B-A-B-Y, I have expensive tastes.  Even more so than for myself.  I'm not sure how that all works, but that's just the way it is.  For example, I've never even remotely DESIRED a Coach, Louis Vuitton or D&G bag, but when it comes to diaper bags, I get a little weak in the knees.

   But hey, I figured with the money we saved on getting a much cheaper chair, this diaper bag was technically free!
  
At least that's what I like to tell myself. ;)  I'll let you know if it's as amazing in real life as it is in my dreams.

    It's Wednesday.  What did you do with your middle-of-the-week day?  Mine was a little mundane. Breakfast, shopping in town, housework while Jossi napped, made spaghetti for dinner, finished up this post and next on the agenda is devotions.  I like to start my day out with my quiet time, but it just seems to hardly ever happen that way.

   But today I find myself wondering, do I see the beauty in each day?  Whether it's ground-breaking or mundane, am I cherishing the moments that I have with Jocelyn that are gifts of today and only today, and that are gone tomorrow? I hope I never forget:

• The way she says "hi" to strangers over and over in the store, much to their delight.
• The expression on her face when Daddy comes home.
• The voices she uses when talking to her babies.
• The way she snuggles and puts her head on my shoulder right after she wakes up. I absolutely cannot get enough of her after she's just woken up.
• The pure joy she gets out of something as simple as a bath. 

   I got tears in my eyes watching this clip of our little cherub, from so very long ago.  I just want to reach back through time and kiss those chubby little cheeks, and wrap my hands around her skinny little arms. 


   I wonder, was I tired that day?  Did it feel like a weary morning?  Was I hoping that she would hurry up and grow to the point of sleeping in a little longer?  I wonder if I knew what a gift I had in those fleeting moments.  Such treasures, those little memories caught on camera.  They are here one second, and gone the next, like sand in an hourglass.


   Where has the time gone?  And someone tell me how she morphed from a tiny little quiet thing into an active little mover who crawls, says words, giggles, and waves.  And with each passing day she gives us a little more of a glimpse into her very own, unique, individual personality.  And so far, it's so beautiful it takes my breath away.

Time, dear time, won't you please slow down?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin!

   I'm trying to act like a real live bloggity person and so now you can follow me on bloglovin'.  If you like to look at blogs on your phone, iPod, laptop, etc., this is a handy-dandy thing to have.  I haven't even figured it all out yet but I already like it.  Gathers all those blogs into one tidy little place for your reading pleasure.  So head on over there, follow my blog and make my day.

G'nite!

   So tell me, what's on your mind?  Would you like to know what is currently on mine?  No?  Bummer, because I already wrote out a whole post about it.  Oh well, take it or leave it.

   Glidersglidersglidersglidersglidersglidersglidersglidersglidersglidersglidersglidersgliders.

   Do any of you have any idea how hard it is to buy a glider?  It is hard.  Very hard.  Especially hard when you have a disease like me, and that disease has a name.  "Indecision".  I'm also suffering from strains of "Picky" "Expensive tastes" and "Frugal is my Middle Name".  Have you ever tried having very expensive tastes while being very frugal at heart?  Talk about a conflict of interests.
 
  So this all results in me browsing the wide world web for hours and hours, and my dear husband sighing and telling me to JUST PICK ONE while I continue looking at gliders until I've seen every one in existence at least 2.3 times, and keep looking at sites like Land of Nod, Pottery Barn Kids and Serena and Lily even though I would never have the guts to purchase anything from there, regardless of how filthy rich I was.  And that was a long sentence.

 
   My issue is, I don't want to spend over a certain amount, and I want something comfortable and stylish.  It doesn't sound like those are outlandish, lofty aspirations, but for some reason, it effectively elimantes 99.999999% of the gliders in the known universe.  Funny, but that same strain of reasoning eliminates most household items.  And diaper bags.  And shoes.  Hmm...maybe I AM the problem....

  By the end of this week, I will have purchased a glider.  I am not letting myself back out of this one.  It's ridiculous.  We keep rocking Jossi to sleep on our feet, and for a 21-week pregnant woman, or anyone in general who's remotely tired, that's just not really a pleasant option.  So, no looking back, this week is the week.

Wish me luck.

 

   Computer froze up and I just lost what I had typed out, and it would take too long to re-write, so I will briefly summarize. 

Wednesday had me feeling completely defeated.

Thursday, was a complete turn-around.  Thank-you Jesus. 

 Today, I woke up at 8:22ish, and Jocelyn didn't wake up for another hour (which NEVER happens!) and so I got an hour of God time without even having to get up early.  I didn't know if I should feel deliriously grateful or guilty.  Nevertheless, it was just what I needed, and I thought I'd share just a bit with you.

   Now, before I begin, some of you may shy away from the word "stronghold".  It may seem too dramatic, and is something you don't want to think about or deal with because you're pretty confidant that there isn't any of that in your life, or if there is, you're not sure what to do about it anyway.  Well, I'll just be honest and say that there is one (probably more, but one specifically) that I deal with often.  I'm not going to go into what it is, but it is there. 

   Thankfully, God has blessed me with wonderful friends and women in my life who speak life to me, and pray for me, and pass books on to me that happen to be just what I need at just the right time.  What would I do without those people in my life?
 source



   Anyway, the following are notes I either copied or paraphrased from Beth Moore's book, Breaking Free.  Thought I might pass them along, since they spoke life to me.

   Signs of a stronghold:

•  It consumes our emotional + mental energy.
•  It strangles abundant life.
•  It causes our callings to remain unfulfilled and our believing lives to be rendered ineffective.
•  It "pretends" to be bigger + more powerful than God.

       The primary battlefield is the mind.  Why?  Because the most effective way to influence behavior is to influence thinking.  And our only weapons are the Word of God, and praying in the Spirit.  And as long as our minds rehearse the strength of our stronghold more than the strength of our God, we will be impotent.  The most monumental leap toward freedom is a leap to our knees.

   She then goes on to list Scriptures (most of the book is excerpts of Scripture, which is one of the things I love most about it) that you can pray to combat your mind dwelling on a stronghold. It's just what I've been looking for. Scriptures listed out in one place to pray and to focus on, rather than the turmoil in my mind.  Fear, doubt, jealousy....whatever it may be.  I want to replace it with the Word.
  
   I am so far from where I want to be.  Sometimes I look at Jocelyn, stumbling along behind her "walking toy" her wobbly legs taking shaking little steps, and I feel pitifully the same.  As if somehow, in spite of the fact that I have been a Christian for approximately 20 years, I'm still a little child.  But I'm tired of focusing on who I'm not, and where I'm not.  That's where the devil wants me dwelling.  I am on a journey, and if tomorrow is leap in the right direction, great!  But if it's just a microscopic stutter step, than that's great too.

 Because at least I'm moving, and not standing still.