We say it all the time. 

   "I just wish I knew what was going to happen!!"  *frustrated sigh*

   Really?  You truly believe that knowing what the future held was going to be a pleasant experience for you?  How naieve are we??  For example, it would compromise everything.  Falling in love and choosing to marry someone would never be as simple as it is.  Because if you knew that the future would hold certain conflicts and difficulties, you might change your mind and not marry that person, consequently missing out on all the spiritual growth that would come through those hard times.  Not to mention all the wonderful experiences you could have shared with that person.
  
   Or the decision to have children.  What if we knew that our pig-tailed little girl would grow up to run away from home and refuse to speak to us for the next 6 years?  What we experience now as a giddy anticipation of a bundle of joy, would turn into something more like a stressful panic of whether or not we would be able to survive those young adult years.  And if we could see the future and know we were going to lose a child long before “their time”, would we choose to have them at all?
  
   And then there's the classic, wishing you could know how long you had to live.  This, I cannot fathom.  It would taint my every, simple pleasure.  "I am hugging my child for the last time."   "This is the LAST hazelnut latte I'll ever drink!"  "Next week will be our last anniversary."   Who wants that?  I would be in a constant state of a painful countdown, and every time I was vacuuming out my car or folding laundry I would be thinking....really? I only have one life to live and I'm doing this??  It would handicap me.

    Personally, I am deeply grateful that God blesses us with the gift of ignorance.  In His mercy, He does not reveal the future and rob us of the simple joys of the present.  He doesn’t show us things that are going to be difficult to go through, before He gives the grace to actually go through them.  Because like a wise woman once said, (I think it was my sis-in-law, Amy)  “God doesn’t give us grace for our imaginations.”  And how perfectly true!  That grace isn’t there yet, and if we were to know the next 40 years, I wonder how many of us would be able to take it.

   Essentially, it would completely change the course of decisions.  I doubt I would be strong enough to willing choose to go through difficult times...and so I would always be choosing what looked to be the easiest, safest path, and I would miss out!  I would miss out on that mountain-top closeness with God that you encounter only AFTER the valley.  I would miss out on the person those trials were making me to be.  I would miss out on the thrill of victory, the relief of grace, and the joy of forgiveness.  I would miss so much.

   One of the highlights of summer was spending time with Randy's family.  Byran & Amy and little Xavier came out to visit, so we had a fun-filled time of playing games, BBQ, a day at the coast, shopping, golfing, and family get-togethers.  Here are a few, and I mean FEW pictures, as I cannot seem to find many.



Xavier:)




Kevin and Randy being boys.

   I have been a bit convicted lately about how my writing tends to reflect my more pensive, or moody side.  I suppose that's because in person, I'd rather show my cheery side, and so writing is my only outlet for things that are bothering me.

   Nevertheless, I don't want to be "that person" or "that blog" that sort of puts you in a foul mood every time you stumble across it!  So I will try to work on being real, while still being uplifting and encouraging.  Jesus demonstrated that perfectly, and I am slowly but surely trying to learn. Bear with me.

   So in other news, yesterday afternoon was lovely.  The sun was shining and rapidly warming up our little apartment so I told Randy we should bike down to the river with a slushie, camping chairs and two good books, and that's exactly what we did.  Stuck our feet in the water and just watched the river go by as we enjoyed the sun.  Delightful. 

   Today I am going second-hand shopping and then on a picnic with my sister and a friend, so I truly cannot complain.  I must run now, but I just had to write this little blurb before I left.  Hope you all are having a great start to your week! 

   I want to, I really do.  I want to vent and swear, and say all sorts of unpleasantries.  But that wouldn't really be the Christian thing to do now, would it?  So of course I won't, because of my proper Christian upbringing.  

But that doesn't change the fact that I want to.

   The fact of the matter is, I'm surprised.  Shocked, really, at some people.  Or let's just say humankind in general right now.  Just how self-absorbed, insensitive, and cold they can be.  I think I'm losing my grace.  Slowly but surely, the innocent, Pollyanna-like ability to see the GOOD in people is being sucked out of me, and I'm left with a bitter, shriveled up lump where my optimism used to be.

    Let's get one thing straight, I know I'm not perfect.  I mean, who are we kidding?  Nobody is.  I have many flaws, and they are much more glaringly familiar to me than anyone else, so I’m not sure why people feel the need to bring them to my attention. I’m working on these flaws, and have been for the past several years.  So could you cut a girl some slack?

  It doesn't help that recently I was criticized (albeit very gently) by someone very dear to me who has never ever said anything like that before.  I'll never forget the slow-motion, sinking sensation of an overwhelming sense of defeat.  Not that what the person said was so bad, or life-threatening, because it wasn't.  But that's not the point.  It was the feeling of, "No...not them TOO."  And the following feeling of, "Who's left?  *Who on the face of this earth has seen things they don’t like/agree with, but has left them unsaid?"  Meanwhile, I know I'm not perfect, (we've already established that) and so it will never end.  Correction, it will end when I reach Heaven and Jesus takes me into His arms and loves me wholly and completely, flaws and all, but not before then.  Because I will always meet someone new who doesn’t know me and thinks I’m something real cute and special until they find out all the things they don’t like about me, and feel free to point them out.

   Oh well.  I suppose there’s some sort of lesson for me to learn in all of this, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like a learning experience, it just feels like a crummy old well that I’ve fallen into, and no one is there to help me out.

*The one exception would be my husband, as he is one of the rare individuals that I feel knows all of me, the lovely and the ugly, and accepts it all. 

   It's time for the, "There's-no-way-you-can-know-for-sure-but-it's-fun-to-tally-up-the-guesses-anyway"  gender vote!


So, which will it be?
                                                                             A boy

OR

                                                                           a girl?





   The chapstick is so you can see how tiny these shoes are...I didn't know they made Jordans that small!  Randy loves shoes and couldn't resist these.  I must admit, I sort of love them too. 

   Alrighty people, enter your votes!  Boy or girl?  I have my gut instinct (pun intended) on which it might be, but of course, I can't tell you that. 

Results will be announced sometime mid-December.  :)